So after a great Christmas/New Year and a killer Australia Day there was no improvement in employment for the Husband and shit went down hill fast. I attribute the lack of posts to the stress and general unhappiness of barely being able to feed your kids. Though many may dramatise there have been more than a few days where Husband and I have gone without food to make sure the rations last til pay day.
So payment arrangements were made and a few payments missed but we'll catch up eventually.
Importantly, it was my eldest daughters birthday today and we needed to have money for gifts and cake and a very small (read cheap) celebration with her BFF's.
This is the child who was born so early they let me hold her at birth because they didn't think she'd make it and I would cope better having held her. The child who we waited 4 days to hear she would live. The child I didn't hold again for 8 days and who didn't come home until she could prove she could kickstart her own breathing response when she just stopped breathing. The child who has argued and bullied and complained about everything to the point where the Husband just wants to give up and blame me and to the point where I see now it is my fault and I don't know how or if I can change her.
My eldest daughter was born in the height of the 'reason, don't smack' revolution. My eldest daughter is very intelligent but children can't reason. By the time I had learned this I had already spawned a argument machine. She wanted a reason for everything. The fact that I say so is not good enough when frankly we all know it bloody well should be. To make matters worse I am a teacher and I see this crap all the time but didn't recognise where it was headed in my own child. In short, I have ruined her because now she doesn't know when to argue her point and when to just shut and follow instructions. It could literally get her killed. Imagine we're standing by a busy road, we go to cross but a car comes screaming around the corner and I yell "STOP!". Her response would be to ask me why, argue or ignore me when it should be to just fucking stop because I SAID SO!
So back to my point.
We have no money, it's her birthday and I have scrounged together enough money to buy a few presents (totalling $46) and to take her and 2 friends to a $5 brunch and a $6 movie and all she has done is complain that her birthday hasn't been good enough. That we haven't done enough and then she loses her shit with her father while they are preparing for a night fishing trip (something else she has been busting to do that we are doing for her birthday) and it's all over. She's in her room, he's given up and were there not other kids looking forward to tomorrow there'd be no movie either.
The Husband and I have questioned whether she is beyond any behaviour norms for her age, we have made excuses about hunger and tiredness, we have identified each others traits in her in the blame game but it all amounts to nought.
She is a rude, bad tempered, ingrate who's gotten away with being such for too long.
We held out on letting her go to Girl Guide Camp until the very last minute and I 'traded' consequences so she could go but the Husband was right. We should have stuck to the 'No Camp' consequence.
So this time, she was sent to her room so we could discuss punishment/consequences before the Husband leapt to something we couldn't follow through on.
The plan is to take every privilege away and she will have to earn it back through behaviour change -some short term, some long term.
So here's the deal:
No iPod(possible limited weekend use dependant upon behaviour)
No laptop (except school work for 2 weeks)
No TV show preferences(to be reassessed after 2 weeks)
No game choice with the siblings (for 1 month -she uses games to bully them)
No Drama lessons for at least 1 term. (she can go back when we see some real behaviour change).
She will live and suffer by 3 rules which have somehow been misunderstood or left out:
Follow instructions
No complaints/arguments
Be nice
So let's see if we can fix her. I've always known our downfall was inconsistency but this has reached all new levels of hard to live with.
Feel free to join me if your kid has hit Super Brat levels. The philosophy is KISS, Old Skool!
Simple rules and earning privilege.
Starting....NOW!
...and yes, you can come out of your room now ;)
