The year that was 2015

I couldn't disappoint everyone who doesn't read my blog so true to tradition since I began this thing, here is the NYE post.
This year has truly been a hard slog through the ups and downs of life. I hadn't given much thought to FIFO workers but having been one this year I now know it sucks and you deserve every penny for being away from not just your family but your lives.
This year I have spent 4 nights a week living with my elderly grandmother in Southern Sydney in order to work full time in a job in South Western Sydney. My job has not paid me the bucks miners earn but I seem to have managed to get back in the swing and despite a big disappointment I have a lot to be thankful for, including the return to a regular full time income.
This year I missed my eldest daughters first year of high school including her first period, my middle daughters everything because she has distanced herself from me so she doesn't miss me while I'm gone and my youngest daughters loving tenderness which she makes up for when I am home with thoughtful gestures and PDAs. I missed The Husband doing his best to be me for the kids. What did they miss - me and they shouldn't have had to. I powered through the year loving my job and making it my consolation prize. That's how I coped, finding the positive thing in my life and hanging on. How did they make it through? Just barely white knuckling it into each holiday period and particularly the Christmas holidays with huge relief.
This year I have listened to people tell me what a great job I'm doing at work. I have listened to my Grandmother tell me how much she misses me when I'm gone and what she needs me to do for her. I have listened to The Husband and kids tribulations each week while I am gone. It took until Term 3 to realise I was feeling quite alone and lonely, floating through a life that left me little time for my 4 people let alone any other people we may want in our lives. As a result we have seen very few people this year. It was around this time that I got the shits with the fact that everyone in my life seemed so worried about themselves and how they were coping with or without me but no one seemed to interested in how I was coping. This year 4 people have asked me how I am managing being away from home so much. Distraction and a brave face.
Just as I was starting to not cope very well at all (and wound up in hospital for 5 days) The Red Centre Circus Train was getting ready to pull out. That trip pulled us through so much of this year on so many levels, it was an absolute highlight and something we will always treasure and remember.
This year we have seen people who had a loved one pass away, who made the effort to turn up on our doorstep or who live down the bike path and travelled half the country with us! This year has been just too hard for some of our friends but thankfully most of you have made it through and some of you have even excelled yourself and made feel wonderful through your love and kindness when you turned up to celebrate Christmas with us even though we tried to cancel it. Lesson learned - The Callaghan Christmas lives on. Highlight number 2, thank you to everyone involved in The Ambush xx We love Christmas in our house and celebrating took on even more significance this year.
In 2015 I have experienced more death than in my life to date. The first of my friends parents passed away leaving me wondering what it will be like when my mother is gone. My nephews father passed away unexpectedly and I learned that funerals are for the people left behind but that one was heartbreaking. Even though I haven't been a close part of his life for a while, I was when he was little and all I could see was a little boy and his last farewell. A friend lost an uncle whose friends were more like family to him and I wondered what my own funeral would look like. Another friend and her 3 children lost their Husband and Father and I recognised in them something I don't want to live through for quite a while yet. Then before Christmas my cousin passed away and tomorrow is her funeral. Goodbye to someone I grew up with. A first for me. The end of the year. The end.

That can't be the end though because we all begin again Friday morning. Into a new year, new hopes, new goals, new directions.

So in 2016 I am continuing to cross my fingers for a job closer to home while saving money to move my family closer to my job should it come to that. I am telling you all to get your shit together because I'm done with funerals for a while. It is my understanding that the Red Centre Circus Train will be morphing into the Sugar Cane Express or similar for another family adventure and The Callaghan Christmas will roll around again in the blink of an eye!

There have been some disappointments and sadness in 2015 but some fantastics high points too. I am looking forward to 2016 being a little more heavy on the Ups than the Downs and I hope it's that way for you and your loved ones too.

Celebrate carefully and have a Happy New Year!

PS. I know it's only the 30th but I won't be home tomorrow to write or publish. After my goodbyes, I'm off to say hello to some people I haven't seen in ages and ring in the new year with 4 of my favourite people, a buttload of fireworks and recovery breakfast champagne slushies apparently!

A little reminder

After my meltdown this week, which thankfully is a rarity, In fact, a first. I have had some reminders.

Dinner out with some very old and dear friends to remind me that, despite appearances, we are all up against it in one way or another but as long we support each other we'll be ok.

Some conversations with my Little Ladies to remind me that I am loved no matter what and when I need a cry or a cuddle I have 3 little people, who are getting bigger every day, to cuddle and make me smile.

Tonight, the Year 12 formal and a fun night with new friends to remind me that life is full of hope and possibility even though I can't always control the form in which it comes.

So even though I took a hit that was a bigger blow than I expected it to be, it's not the end of the world. We'll be ok because The Husband, Ladies and I have got a pretty cool crew and (because there'll be a lounge room dance party this weekend) we are all in this together!